The Beauty in the Surrender
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been a worrier. I was that little girl who contemplated the “what if’s.” Things had to go according to plan, because if not, what would happen? How would I be able to function? Unfortunately, I brought these same mentalities into my adulthood, where the stress is more legitimate and more damaging to your health.
A few months ago, I blogged about my anxious, hyper-planning nature, and how it has shaped my outlook on life. I could make a Plan B, but a Plan C and beyond was ridiculous. Things are supposed to go right the first time or on the second time around. I didn’t have time for the third time’s the charm foolishness.
http://www.biggerpockets.com
So behold my surprise when my post-undergraduate plans fell through. In my perfect world, I was heading to graduate school to become a doctor of physical therapy. I completed my courses, served as the president of the pre-physical therapy club, and submitted my applications—only to be handed rejection letters from each of the schools I applied. I had no plan B because I knew my original plan would work. Instead, I panicked and lamented over how unfair life was and what would be my next move.
I would love to say the physical therapy story is my only example of my plan gone wrong and worry ensues. But no, there are several others I can pull from the vault, because obviously, I am stubborn and need multiple occasions to learn the lesson.
I consider 2016 to be my wake up year. I was still plagued by grief, and I was constantly anxious. My mind raced all the time-literally. At work, I was thinking about 5 other issues; in my sleep, I tossed and turned as I dreamt about that day’s mistakes and the next day’s tasks. My mood was all over the place, and I oftentimes threw my frustrations onto my close loved ones. On my birthday, my father planned a dinner for me; I couldn’t enjoy it due to worrying about if the attendees were enjoying themselves. I remember being exhausted from trying to handle it all and slowly realizing that I wasn’t capable of that great of a task. I knew something had to change.
As 2017 rolled around, I did some self-reflection and noticed the common thread in my worries and stresses was that I wanted to have control. I need to be in charge and whenever that doesn’t happen, I lose it. Like a hamster on an exercise wheel, I was putting so much energy into going absolutely nowhere. Something had to change if I desired to truly live a healthy, fruitful life.
The Give it to God jar was a concept I learned from a personal development coach who specializes in teaching women to practice self-care. The jar is a physical representation of you giving your worries and concerns to God for Him to handle.
I scribbled my concerns on slips of paper and placed them in my jar. As I closed the lid, I told God, I’m giving these to you. I surrender, and I trust you.
And you guys, I am liberated. Free. I am now able to enjoy the present and not fear what the future may bring. Who knew that not focusing on controlling every aspect of my life could give me the sweetest freedom?
Even more comforting is the fact that by me surrendering, I am allowing God’s purpose for my life to take shape. Knowing what my life’s purpose is has been one of the questions harboring over my mind for the past few years. I have felt lost—unsure of what my next move would be and constantly questioning if that move was the correct one to take. By giving that to God, I no longer have to worry if this is the right move; I can just enjoy the journey, knowing God is steering me down the right path.
And y’all, since I relinquished control to God, He’s been working! Steps are just falling into place in my favor. My purpose has become clearer, and I’m embracing it. This very blog is a part of my purpose; to share with others the benefits of living well. I also started my business-Earth-Kissed Beauty-making all natural beauty products. That wasn’t even a consideration of mine until a few months ago, and the business is flourishing! Other concerns I listed are now being addressed, and I am striving to trust God through it.
For those who are like me, the worriers, the control freaks, I encourage you to do some self-evaluation. Is this worrying and desire for control aiding in your wellness journey? Consider giving these worries to God. He can handle them for you. You just need to surrender.
-KP
*I’m interested in knowing if anyone else has surrendered anything to God. How has He handled the situation? Share in the comments below!*